雅思高分作文，你也能写！

The university should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Do you agree or disagree?

题目分析：看似简单的话题，但如果学生不事先列好提纲，把逻辑线和段落可拓展的内容考虑清楚，容易在论证出现混乱的状况，看似写了两三个论述的段落，但其实反复在说同一件事。【上海雅思培训】

It’s a commonly discussed topic whether the number of male students should be tantamount to female students in every subject in university. Some people claim that it should be a policy; otherwise it will raise a discrimination based on gender. But from my point of view, the ratio of men and women students in college ought to be different depending on different areas.

(话题引入明确，在作文题的基础上做适当改写，it’s commonly discussed topic whether...作为开头句要比直接用whether…的主语从句来得更加紧凑；be tantamount to 提升词汇)

(过渡漂亮，引出支持男女人数相同的人的无非是避免性别歧视的问题)

First of all, let us talk about the so-called first nature. In general, boys love machines much more than girls do from their early childhood. Boys like playing with cars, games, while girls love babe dolls and decorating their bedrooms. It can certainly be expected that more boys are interested in engineering, and more girls intend tom choose literature or education when they grow up.

Secondly, psychologically speaking, men are more logical and women are more sensitive and careful. That is why you see dominant part of girls in nursing school. At the same time, dealing with mathematics is a piece of cake to boys but a big disaster to most of girls. To choose a subject depends on the individual’s personality, so it will be unreasonable for the university to take equal numbers of males and females on every subject.

At last, in today’s society, there are still different social responsibilities to males and females. Even though in more and more fields, for example, biological research or computer science, you can see no big difference between the two genders and boys or girls are doing equally well, there are certain areas preferring one gender but not the other one. We are all used to meeting a sweet nurse in while at hospital but may feel weird to see a big guy injecting flu shot to you.

(论述段分三层递进，用“一边倒”的写法，从天性到心理层面再到所承担的社会责任，论证步步推进，主线明确，有条有理。)

(第一、第二段用了议论文写作中最常见，也是最好用的一种段落拓展的方法——举例法。就是把观点的抽象内容化为具体的例子，比如first nature具体为machines; sensitive and careful具体为nursing school. 这种写法可以非常直观的让读者觉得有理可循。)【上海雅思培训】

(第三段，可以说作者相当“投机取巧”，在具体论据只能拿nurse反复说事的情况下，巧妙地用了两个聪明的做法，反而使这一段成为文章的高潮。首先，作者把这段的中心论述句拔高到社会责任的层面，从前两段的“个人”到这段的“社会”，让读者感觉整个论据是完整的，且有相当说服力的。其次，作者用了“让步”写法。同样的内容，换一种表达方式，既丰富了文章的句型，有起到了弥补论据不足的缺陷。)

From the above discussion, we can easily see the truth that males and females have hormic and physiological differences and are interested in different fields. So I can’t see a convincing reason to urge the university to accept equal numbers on male and female.

 (用一句话概括了上面陈诉的3个理由，简洁但突出重点。hormic提升词汇)

总评：

文章从语言到句型都谈不上特别出彩，但逻辑清晰，论证有理有据，所以不失为一篇高分文章。奋战托福、雅思的考生们，【上海雅思培训】作文的词汇和句型固然相当重要，但由于这两门考试的大作文都是以议论文为题材，所以千万要在动笔写作之前列好提纲，明确论证的逻辑。

想了解更多关于【上海雅思培训】相关信息请猛戳昂立培优网站：http://www.onlycollege.com.cn/和托雅网站：http://www.onlytoya.com/

或电话垂询：400-820-8062

也可关注昂立官方微博：http://e.weibo.com/onlythebestonly

• 上一篇：托福阅读学习之“对面的考生看过来”
• 下一篇：教育观察 ▏托福雅思首被国内高校认可 未来更多学生将投入考试