2016宝山区高中一模解析之写作 | |||
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II. Guided Writing Directions: Write an English composition in 120-150 words according to the instructions given below in Chinese. 87. 学校学生会将举办一次题为"LIFE BALANCE"的征文活动,请根据下面活动举办方提供的图片写一篇征文。你的文章必须包括以下内容: l 解读图片内容; l 简单阐述你的观点。 (文中不能使用真实的人名和校名) Ø 昂立高考名师邵汪杰老师样文: Nowadays, people are leading a much busier life than ever. 1Life balance, or balance between work and leisure, which everyone is pursuing, seems to be a paradox. On one hand, people are constantly working overtime, 2hoping to earn more money. They analyze and handle various data and, in the meantime, communicate in different fashions. On the other hand, however, they wish to spend more quality time with their family members and chat with their friends after work. In addition, some of them hope to travel around the world 3desperately or develop some relaxing hobbies in their spare time. As far as I am concerned, 4both work and leisure are indispensable in our daily life. 5It is obvious that no one can earn any money without work. And without money, one can’t feed himself, 6let alone enjoy his leisure time. In other words, work is the foundation of leisure. 7Nevertheless, as the saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Everyone should cultivate some positive hobbies of their own. 8Whether meeting friends once in a while in a club or playing bowling on a weekly basis, these extracurricular activities can relieve people of their anxiety during work, 9thus helping them function in a more energetic and dynamic way in the next day’s work. Besides, spending quality time with their folks is conducive to the harmony of the family, as well as our society. In conclusion, work hard and play hard! The most important thing is to keep a balance between work and life. 10Only in this way can our life be enriching and rewarding, and our society harmonious. Ø 内容分析: 此作文题目主题明确,即图片中的Life Balance(平衡生活)。对于图片解析也难度不大,图片左半部分中的人身穿西装,几个关键词都与“工作”、“赚钱”相关,而图片右半部分的人穿着休闲,几个关键词都与“休闲”、“娱乐”相关。因此,题目中的Life Balance应该为balance between work and leisure。文章有一定的开放性,只要包含对图片内容的解读以及自己的观点即可,观点的角度可以多样化。范文的作者从正反两方面说明的work和leisure的重要性,得出了life balance的重要性以及带来的利益。 Ø 精彩亮点分析: 亮点一:用同位语balance between work and leisure解释life balance的具体内涵; 亮点二:hoping to earn more money,现在分词做伴随状语。 亮点三:desperately一词表现出对旅行的渴望。 亮点四:both work and leisure are indispensable in our daily life一句话表明自己的观点,indispensable一词比较高级,译为“不可或缺的”。 亮点五:It is obvious that …主语从句。 亮点六:let alone…译为“更不用说……”。 亮点七:Nevertheless, as the saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.一句中,用nevertheless表示转折,从work的重要性转到leisure的重要性;后面使用一句谚语,更加生动形象。 亮点八:Whether … or …引导让步状语从句,meeting friends once in a while in a club与playing bowling on a weekly basis前后结构平衡。 亮点九:thus helping …现在分词做结果状语,简洁明了。 亮点十:only + 状语位于句首用部分倒装,enriching和rewarding两个词运用生动准确。 Ø 写作小贴士: 写篇文章虽然是看图说话,但可以归在现象类作文中。这篇作文给的指示比较宽泛,没有限定学生写作的具体内容,因此写产生此现象的原因,或者分析此现象中work与leisure的重要性,或者提出自己的看法都是可以的,只要言之有理即可。 写作中要注意用词准确,句式多样。如本文中的let alone, indispensable, enriching, rewarding等词都是亮点,采用了名词性从句、定语从句、状语从句以及倒装句,句式多变。
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