Dear Miss Manners,

My friends’ kids always ask for gifts or say, “You didn’t give me a gift” for their birthdays or Christmas. This is done while their moms are present, and they don’t say anything. How do I ask my friends to tell their kids that it’s rude to ask people for gifts?

                           Paul

Dear Paul,

      Never mind the mothers, who are obviously not going to teach them manner. I suggest responding directly and pleasantly to the children with, “Why – were you planning to give me one?” Their astonishment should give you the opportunity to explain politely that we are not supposed to force others to give gifts and giving presents is generally expected to be mutual.

Dear Miss Manners,

I am celebrating a milestone birthday with a formal theme party at a club. The time of the party is 7 p.m. to midnight. It includes a cocktail hour at 7, with dinner following.
Can I add the 7 p.m. cocktail hour to the invitation? I would hate guests to misunderstand and think that they could arrive anytime between 7 and midnight.

                         Caroline 

Dear Caroline,

       The temptation to tell one’s guests when they are expected to leave is one with which Miss Manners Sympathizes. Clear signals are often neglected. If the hosts do not rise from the table to announce coffee in the living room as the final act, guests feel awkward about being the first to get up. And then some people just never know when to go home.
      However, putting both starting and finishing times on an invitation, often done for cocktail parties, indeed suggests that they may arrive during the event – not toward its end, to be sure, but not necessarily at the starting point.
      You are giving a dinner party, so you should inform your guests that it will start at 7, as drinks before the meal are part of the routine. That tells them to arrive on time – and you can only hope that they will take themselves off at a decent hour

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